I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
