the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
