Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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