I accidentally had phone sex last night
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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