your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
