if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
