i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He felt like a one man threesome
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
