I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
