Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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