you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
