How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
