Jerry, you need to find god
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
