meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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