My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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