I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
