...so i touched it.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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