You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
