we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
