weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
