More tranny stories later!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
