mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
