ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
