This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize