My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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