Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
