Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
