She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize