ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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