our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
