Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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