Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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