If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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