You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
