I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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