I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize