All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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