O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize