Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
