Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
