I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
