you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We just shotgunned beers for America
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
