I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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