i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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