why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
3 2 1 whiskey
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
