Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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