Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we made out on top of his cat.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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