Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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