hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
