My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
