Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
