It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
