I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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