you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
