Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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