return my video game
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
