Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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