she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
