Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
