I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
