Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
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