remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
