I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
