Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
