just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
