Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
