I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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