I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
