im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
