butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
